Monthly Archives: March 2014

2nd update on unruliness

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This morning we finally had our hearing with an intervention specialist for my daughter being unruly. For those of you new to this blog, read further down to see why I felt the need to file charges against my daughter. 

I don’t really feel like getting into all that was said, but basically it boils down to this: She has to do community service which is picking up trash on the side of the road and get drug tested 4 times over the next two months.  If she tests positive she will be put on probation. She was crying in the office, but as soon as we leave she tweets: “no boo I’m not abouta pick up trash w a fresh mani?” and “I’m too Chanel to do community service!”.  Are you kidding me?  I can’t believe she thinks this is a joke. 

I feel for any other parent that is going through what I am with my daughter. 

 

Working mother blogs? Do they exist?

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I follow some mommy blogs on Pinterest and Facebook, but whenever I look at the bio of the person writing it, they are stay at home mothers that post about saving money and making things. I set out on a search to find some blogs authored by mothers that work outside of the home. The ones that I found are simply freelancers or consultants…no one that works a 9-5 job and then comes home to cook dinner, exercise, pay bills, do laundry, and somewhere in between all of the stuff a single mother has to do FIND A LIFE OF MEANING. I am not saying that if your life has no meaning if you work and then take care of your kids, but one must get out and do things that they enjoy.

I will be totally transparent with all of you right now.  Last night I had a little mini breakdown.  Friday night, my daughter is staying with my son (age 21) for the weekend and I have nothing to do other than look at a messy house. I purchased a sewing machine that came the other day, I got it out and looked at it, but I didn’t have any thread to do anything with it (I will get some today), I did a couple loads of laundry and cleaned a bookcase that sits at the head of my bed. I was crying most of the time I was doing so. I should have went a worked out since that would have helped me feel better, but I decided just to stay home. Don’t get me wrong, I have hobbies, and I have friends, but for some reason I have the wrong kind of friends. You know, the kind that only call when they need something or when they are going through a rough time.

Background info: My husband and I have been separated since early this year, however his stuff is still here junking up the place. This is one of my problems.  I can’t get my stuff organized and have a place for it while his stuff is still here.  He pretty much will not leave me alone, I don’t know why when I tell him that I no longer want to be with him, he comes over while I am at work and makes me a coat rack. Yes, you heard me, he made me a coat rack. I won’t lie, it is probably the nicest thing he has done for me because I have always wanted one,  but with his crap in here, I have no where to put it. He does not like my house, my daughter does not like my house, but I love my house. I bought my house 14 years ago while i was making $8/hr plus working a second job. I don’t care that it is just over 1000 sq ft and that every room needs painted and I need a new kitchen floor. This is my house and if I hear one more complaint about not having enough room I might just take  my daughter down to the homeless shelter and let her stay there for a night. See how other people live. My house is not junky, in fact I have done numerous things such as new windows, new roof, new carpet, new back patio and most recently a new furnace I have to pay off within one year. I even put new flooring down in my own bedroom. I did the entire thing by myself including leveling the floor. I have a savings account going right now for ceiling fans for all of the rooms. i need to find an electrician to install them once i have all of the money which should be in May. Bottom line is this: I am upset because until someone has their own home, they should not be so picky. My other bottom line is: How do other single moms do it?  I got my Masters degree in December, so the four years prior to that I was doing homework just about the entire time. Now it seems like there is no time to do anything!

Does anyone know of other single mothers that blog about either being a single mother or about how they accomplish things?  If so, I would love to hear about them! I think I am going to do a one hour challenge since it is Saturday 🙂

Randomness

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When I started this Blog I thought about how I wanted it to be, but then I wanted to write about things that were important to me and may have some influence in someone else’s life. I am not sharing this blog on FaceBook or Twitter or any other social media website, I am not trying to make any money on this website, I am just posting what I feel could be of some use. 

I am a member of the National Council on Family Relations and within a month I will be a Certified Family Life Educator (CFLE). I have some knowledge on life skills and just about anything that has to do with family relations. People may think that I have too many personal problems to be a CFLE however my problems have become learning experiences.  Also, that would be like saying a doctor should never be sick and if he is sick, he isn’t a good doctor. We all know that’s not true, but when it comes to other professions we tend to judge. We tend to judge the professional housekeeper’s lack of housekeeping skills at home, or a hair stylist’s messy hairdo, or even a professional landscaper that has a crappy looking yard.  Has anyone ever stopped to think that they do this for a living and maybe that is not their passion. 

My passion is helping people and I feel like I can do that through educating them. If you would like me to post on a particular topic let me know. 

Eating on a budget

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A couple things on MSN.com caught my eye today. There is a lot of discussion going on about eating on a budget. MSN even talked about the food stamp thing going around on how to eat on $4 a day. I want to start by telling you that as a former county worker who determined eligibility for food assistance, the myth surrounding food assistance is not correct. The article states that if a family of 4 is not working they will receive around $680 or something like that. Well, when you are receiving food assistance, it is a supplemental program, this amount was never intended to be your entire budget, but when I look at $680 for a family of 4 I actually cringe.  I have had 4 people in my house for the past 2 summers and I spent no where near that much per month on food. Food assistance is only supposed to supplement 70% of your food expense for the month, so you are responsible to pay at least 30% of your food costs (more if you make more money).

One article listed these 7 items to buy if you are broke:

  • Brown Rice
  • Dried Beans
  • Potatoes
  • Green Veggies
  • Frozen Veggies
  • Peanut Butter
  • Protein Bars (supposed to eat them every 3 hours so you get your protein and stay full???)

Another article says you can eat on $1.50 a day if you eat these items:

  • Oats
  • Lentils
  • Potatoes
  • Frozen Veggies
  • Pasta
  • Rice
  • Peanut Butter
  • Ramen noodles

See the similarities?  I think I blogged about making dried beans for the first time back in January, they were good, but I was curious to see what else was out there as far as recipes for dried beans.  I found a great one at:

http://www.gourmet.com/recipes/2000s/2009/10/slow-cooked-tomato-and-herb-white-beans

I am definitely going to try this recipe.

I don’t know how much I actually spend at the grocery (I know, not good), but it is no where near what other people do. I also use coupons and only buy something if I am going to use it, it is on sale and I have a coupon (or if it is a staple).  Basically both articles talked about being creative especially with the rice and pasta. You can do a lot with Ramen noodles also. All of this food talk is making me hungry, going to eat some beans and cornbread.

 

 

Dating my husband

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I have been separated from my husband since the beginning of the year. I felt like once we got married we became roommates, but then he didn’t even do his share as a roommate. He has been living with his brother one hour away. When I think back, the reason I got married was because I was lonely. I set out to find someone with the same Christian values, some good friends, no bad habits and be financially stable. He met these, but I don’t think I was ever “in love” with him. We got married very quick (within 6 months of meeting each other). 

This picture at the bottom of the post is of us Friday night with the popular Christian Rock band Skillet. Look at the picture and I want to point out a couple things: first of all we are the ones in the middle, he is wearing the hat backwards and I am on his right (looking at the picture,but actually on his left). He calls this smiling. I asked him before we went up to get our picture taken if he was going to smile and he said “I don’t have a problem smiling anymore since I have my dentures (another blog post), it was before that when I didn’t smile during pictures.”  My reply was “really, because the last picture over the holidays at my parents house you were not smiling.”  Without any further words I guess this picture is his idea of smiling. Another thing I want to point out about the picture is that the tickets cost $100 a piece to shake Skillet and Third Day’s hand and get pictures with them (I have not downloaded the Third Day picture yet) and to get in the first 5 rows of the theater. The tickets for just the show: $30 a piece. Ok, so I like Skillet and I like Third Day, but neither of them are anywhere near my top bands and you can actually see that I am happy in this picture – I am getting my picture taken with some pretty famous people here, but look at my husband’s “smile”. Skillet is his favorite band, you would think he would look a little more excited.  Now, I wanted to get the tickets that were $30, but he was so adamant about getting the “meet and greet” and photo opp for another $70 per ticket, that we did this as Christmas presents to each other.Another thing I wanted to point out in the picture is the fact that he has a hat on. Not a big deal right?  Wrong…. The entire time we dated I never saw with a hat on, now he constantly wears  one everywhere. He wears one when we go out to eat, on date night, pretty much everywhere except for church. I think that is rude to wear a hat all of the time especially to dinner and on our date nights. That opinion would not even change is he had his hat on the first time we met. If he wore a  hat the first time we met (which was on a date) we would not have had another one.

So, Friday we set out to the concert, ate lunch and checked into our hotel room. We stayed at a Holiday Inn Express with an indoor pool because I LOVE to swim. In the morning the pool opened at 8am, so I asked my husband around 7:45 if he wanted to go swimming with me. Well, he didn’t answer me, so then I added “or would you rather get some of the free breakfast buffet?”. He immediately said “well, food doesn’t bad right now.” so we get dressed and head on down for some grub. 

You know how most of the hotels have the waffle makers that everyone loves, well, this hotel had a pancake maker that my husband was so excited about trying out. We get down to eat, I get my usual biscuit and gravy, cinnamon roll, orange juice and coffee while my husband goes over to the pancake maker. He comes back with a cinnamon roll.  I ask him if the machine is making his pancakes and he said “no, it’s out of batter”. So I tell him to ask one of the ladies that is working at the breakfast bar to put some more batter in it, they probably do not know it is empty. He refused to ask for any type of help. (So I tell you this story to let you know that basically when It comes to getting what he wants he pretty much has no balls-for lack of a better saying) 

That was just the beginning of a not so great “date” with my husband because he stayed over last night so we could go so my nephew’s band play at a local club. I don’t want to get into how bad that date went, but bottom line is that I have literally nothing in common with my husband and we cannot force ourselves to find something in common. The only thing we have in common is our Christian faith, but in a case like ours, is that enough?  

To give more background, my stepson is a brat. It was during the week that he was here over the holidays that I  told my husband I wanted a divorce, then the day my stepson left is the day I told my husband to leave. There is so much there to write about, it could be a book, but this weekend I wanted to know that if my daughter and his son were not in the picture “are we compatible” and I think the answer is “no”. 

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Update on unruliness

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Our hearing for the charges I filed against my daughter was supposed to this past Thursday at 8:00 am. I had not told her that I did this, but I had to do something because she is not listening to me. I could not sleep Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday night. I told my daughter Wednesday night about our appointment Thursday morning. This little 15 year old girl that cusses up a storm and thinks she is the baddest thing since Thelma and Louise broke down in tears. She asked me why I hated her and just cried for what seemed like an hour. I explained why I did what I did and then she goes into her room and tweets about it (like a gangster would be bragging). Well, Thursday morning came and with little sleep the night before the first thing I did when I woke up was throw up. I had been so nervous, not sleeping and constantly sick to my stomach the entire week, but then the phone rings and I realize it is someone from the county calling me (it’s 6:30 am). The lady that is to do my hearing is sick, so she will call me when she can so we can reschedule. 

In other words: there is no update on the update. 

My daughter has been nothing but sickening sweet and asked me if I could not go through with this, but I have to for my sanity. 

I will of course, keep you updated. 

Why I had to file unruly charges on my teenage child

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Back in 2009 I chose to return to school full time to earn my bachelors degree and then went on to earn my masters. I worked full time, went to school full and had 2 children at home.  Heck, at one point I was even working on the US census part time too.  I thought I was doing the right thing, providing for my children. I was single most of that time (until June of 2012). I was literally busy constantly: doing homework, housework, or something for church if I was not at work. My son did okay, he spent half of his time with his dad, he had a father figure, but he was a father figure to my daughter.

It is my fault my daughter has turned out the way she is. I should have spent more time with her. Since I was always busy, I would allow her to do pretty much whatever she wanted. Stay with friends, have friends stay over, etc… She has always done her own laundry but I have never really been strict about house rules. When I ask her to do the dishes, she whines a little, but she does them. Frankly my life has been hell ever since I got married. My daughter has made my life miserable along with my stepson and my husband. I know that wasn’t a very clear sentence, but all three of those people have made my life a living hell. I went to school to be able to help people, but I have created this miserable sense of existence only because I thought God was calling me to get married. At what expense? The expense of my sanity, my daughter’s happiness, and my family simply thinking I have gone completely mad.

Getting back to the point of this story: my daughter has been given no direction her entire life, her father has never been there for her, I have been here, but too busy all of the time and the grandparents are only there to spoil her.  I “get” why she is unhappy, but what I don’t get is why she doesn’t want to get happy. I have taken her to therapist after therapist and she has done absolutely nothing to better herself. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter very much, but I can’t sit back and allow her to do things that are going bad for her now and could really screw up her future.

She has been going places without permission, she has been smoking weed “because it makes her happy” and I am almost positive she has been stealing from the mall and other stores that we go to. She disrespects my husband by never speaking to him and by posting on her twitter that he is creepy and crusty and all kinds of nasty. Now, how do you think that makes me feel?  I don’t even know how it makes me feel. Am I hurt, am I upset, am I pissed, or have I just had enough?  I can’t believe that a little teenage girl would make me second guess my life partner, but she does.  How can I stay with someone that she doesn’t like, but then on the other hand, it is “my” life and if I love my husband, why should what someone else thinks matter?

Well, since nothing has worked and she continues to smoke pot I have filed unruly charges against her. We have a court date on Thursday. She does not know anything about it yet, I have no idea how she is going to react, but I have to do something before it is too late. I can’t do this on my own and my husband is not in the position right now to help me in any way with her. It is a very long story, but I don’t ever think she will ever accept him even if he does make me happy.

I could kick myself for allowing her to get this out of hand. I will try to keep updates on what happens (if anything) with the unruly charge. There is a lot of background to this story, but not enough time to get it all out before I need to stop for today. As always, if anyone has specific questions, please let me know. I want to try to prevent this from happening to other teenage girls.

Front Load Washers stink- literally

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Last month I purchased a front load washer (stackable) and dryer set, LG.  I love them, however everyone that has one tells me that they end up stinking.  One month into owning mine it smelled like something died in my kitchen (if you read my one hour kitchen challenge you know my washer and dryer are actually set up in my kitchen). My clothes smelled fine, but when standing in front of the washer it was horrible. I printed some coupons from tide cleanser for front High Efficiency washers, but I have not had a chance to wait for them to go on sale so I could purchase them. (as I’ve stated before, yes…I am that cheap) This morning I put vinegar in the detergent container and put it on the cleaning cycle, then I put bleach in all of the containers and ran it on the cleaning cycle.  Now this process took almost 4 hours, but the smell is completely gone!  Oh, I don’t want to forget to tell you that I ran a rag with bleach water along the inside of the rubber seal and then towel dried the door.  I am going to start that process alone each time I finish laundry, well at least wipe the door off. 

I haven’t even checked the price of the Tide cleansers, but I am almost positive that being on sale and using a coupon it is more expensive than some vinegar and bleach!