Why I had to file unruly charges on my teenage child


Back in 2009 I chose to return to school full time to earn my bachelors degree and then went on to earn my masters. I worked full time, went to school full and had 2 children at home.  Heck, at one point I was even working on the US census part time too.  I thought I was doing the right thing, providing for my children. I was single most of that time (until June of 2012). I was literally busy constantly: doing homework, housework, or something for church if I was not at work. My son did okay, he spent half of his time with his dad, he had a father figure, but he was a father figure to my daughter.

It is my fault my daughter has turned out the way she is. I should have spent more time with her. Since I was always busy, I would allow her to do pretty much whatever she wanted. Stay with friends, have friends stay over, etc… She has always done her own laundry but I have never really been strict about house rules. When I ask her to do the dishes, she whines a little, but she does them. Frankly my life has been hell ever since I got married. My daughter has made my life miserable along with my stepson and my husband. I know that wasn’t a very clear sentence, but all three of those people have made my life a living hell. I went to school to be able to help people, but I have created this miserable sense of existence only because I thought God was calling me to get married. At what expense? The expense of my sanity, my daughter’s happiness, and my family simply thinking I have gone completely mad.

Getting back to the point of this story: my daughter has been given no direction her entire life, her father has never been there for her, I have been here, but too busy all of the time and the grandparents are only there to spoil her.  I “get” why she is unhappy, but what I don’t get is why she doesn’t want to get happy. I have taken her to therapist after therapist and she has done absolutely nothing to better herself. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter very much, but I can’t sit back and allow her to do things that are going bad for her now and could really screw up her future.

She has been going places without permission, she has been smoking weed “because it makes her happy” and I am almost positive she has been stealing from the mall and other stores that we go to. She disrespects my husband by never speaking to him and by posting on her twitter that he is creepy and crusty and all kinds of nasty. Now, how do you think that makes me feel?  I don’t even know how it makes me feel. Am I hurt, am I upset, am I pissed, or have I just had enough?  I can’t believe that a little teenage girl would make me second guess my life partner, but she does.  How can I stay with someone that she doesn’t like, but then on the other hand, it is “my” life and if I love my husband, why should what someone else thinks matter?

Well, since nothing has worked and she continues to smoke pot I have filed unruly charges against her. We have a court date on Thursday. She does not know anything about it yet, I have no idea how she is going to react, but I have to do something before it is too late. I can’t do this on my own and my husband is not in the position right now to help me in any way with her. It is a very long story, but I don’t ever think she will ever accept him even if he does make me happy.

I could kick myself for allowing her to get this out of hand. I will try to keep updates on what happens (if anything) with the unruly charge. There is a lot of background to this story, but not enough time to get it all out before I need to stop for today. As always, if anyone has specific questions, please let me know. I want to try to prevent this from happening to other teenage girls.


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