Tag Archives: blended families

Dating my husband

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I have been separated from my husband since the beginning of the year. I felt like once we got married we became roommates, but then he didn’t even do his share as a roommate. He has been living with his brother one hour away. When I think back, the reason I got married was because I was lonely. I set out to find someone with the same Christian values, some good friends, no bad habits and be financially stable. He met these, but I don’t think I was ever “in love” with him. We got married very quick (within 6 months of meeting each other). 

This picture at the bottom of the post is of us Friday night with the popular Christian Rock band Skillet. Look at the picture and I want to point out a couple things: first of all we are the ones in the middle, he is wearing the hat backwards and I am on his right (looking at the picture,but actually on his left). He calls this smiling. I asked him before we went up to get our picture taken if he was going to smile and he said “I don’t have a problem smiling anymore since I have my dentures (another blog post), it was before that when I didn’t smile during pictures.”  My reply was “really, because the last picture over the holidays at my parents house you were not smiling.”  Without any further words I guess this picture is his idea of smiling. Another thing I want to point out about the picture is that the tickets cost $100 a piece to shake Skillet and Third Day’s hand and get pictures with them (I have not downloaded the Third Day picture yet) and to get in the first 5 rows of the theater. The tickets for just the show: $30 a piece. Ok, so I like Skillet and I like Third Day, but neither of them are anywhere near my top bands and you can actually see that I am happy in this picture – I am getting my picture taken with some pretty famous people here, but look at my husband’s “smile”. Skillet is his favorite band, you would think he would look a little more excited.  Now, I wanted to get the tickets that were $30, but he was so adamant about getting the “meet and greet” and photo opp for another $70 per ticket, that we did this as Christmas presents to each other.Another thing I wanted to point out in the picture is the fact that he has a hat on. Not a big deal right?  Wrong…. The entire time we dated I never saw with a hat on, now he constantly wears  one everywhere. He wears one when we go out to eat, on date night, pretty much everywhere except for church. I think that is rude to wear a hat all of the time especially to dinner and on our date nights. That opinion would not even change is he had his hat on the first time we met. If he wore a  hat the first time we met (which was on a date) we would not have had another one.

So, Friday we set out to the concert, ate lunch and checked into our hotel room. We stayed at a Holiday Inn Express with an indoor pool because I LOVE to swim. In the morning the pool opened at 8am, so I asked my husband around 7:45 if he wanted to go swimming with me. Well, he didn’t answer me, so then I added “or would you rather get some of the free breakfast buffet?”. He immediately said “well, food doesn’t bad right now.” so we get dressed and head on down for some grub. 

You know how most of the hotels have the waffle makers that everyone loves, well, this hotel had a pancake maker that my husband was so excited about trying out. We get down to eat, I get my usual biscuit and gravy, cinnamon roll, orange juice and coffee while my husband goes over to the pancake maker. He comes back with a cinnamon roll.  I ask him if the machine is making his pancakes and he said “no, it’s out of batter”. So I tell him to ask one of the ladies that is working at the breakfast bar to put some more batter in it, they probably do not know it is empty. He refused to ask for any type of help. (So I tell you this story to let you know that basically when It comes to getting what he wants he pretty much has no balls-for lack of a better saying) 

That was just the beginning of a not so great “date” with my husband because he stayed over last night so we could go so my nephew’s band play at a local club. I don’t want to get into how bad that date went, but bottom line is that I have literally nothing in common with my husband and we cannot force ourselves to find something in common. The only thing we have in common is our Christian faith, but in a case like ours, is that enough?  

To give more background, my stepson is a brat. It was during the week that he was here over the holidays that I  told my husband I wanted a divorce, then the day my stepson left is the day I told my husband to leave. There is so much there to write about, it could be a book, but this weekend I wanted to know that if my daughter and his son were not in the picture “are we compatible” and I think the answer is “no”. 

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Why I had to file unruly charges on my teenage child

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Back in 2009 I chose to return to school full time to earn my bachelors degree and then went on to earn my masters. I worked full time, went to school full and had 2 children at home.  Heck, at one point I was even working on the US census part time too.  I thought I was doing the right thing, providing for my children. I was single most of that time (until June of 2012). I was literally busy constantly: doing homework, housework, or something for church if I was not at work. My son did okay, he spent half of his time with his dad, he had a father figure, but he was a father figure to my daughter.

It is my fault my daughter has turned out the way she is. I should have spent more time with her. Since I was always busy, I would allow her to do pretty much whatever she wanted. Stay with friends, have friends stay over, etc… She has always done her own laundry but I have never really been strict about house rules. When I ask her to do the dishes, she whines a little, but she does them. Frankly my life has been hell ever since I got married. My daughter has made my life miserable along with my stepson and my husband. I know that wasn’t a very clear sentence, but all three of those people have made my life a living hell. I went to school to be able to help people, but I have created this miserable sense of existence only because I thought God was calling me to get married. At what expense? The expense of my sanity, my daughter’s happiness, and my family simply thinking I have gone completely mad.

Getting back to the point of this story: my daughter has been given no direction her entire life, her father has never been there for her, I have been here, but too busy all of the time and the grandparents are only there to spoil her.  I “get” why she is unhappy, but what I don’t get is why she doesn’t want to get happy. I have taken her to therapist after therapist and she has done absolutely nothing to better herself. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter very much, but I can’t sit back and allow her to do things that are going bad for her now and could really screw up her future.

She has been going places without permission, she has been smoking weed “because it makes her happy” and I am almost positive she has been stealing from the mall and other stores that we go to. She disrespects my husband by never speaking to him and by posting on her twitter that he is creepy and crusty and all kinds of nasty. Now, how do you think that makes me feel?  I don’t even know how it makes me feel. Am I hurt, am I upset, am I pissed, or have I just had enough?  I can’t believe that a little teenage girl would make me second guess my life partner, but she does.  How can I stay with someone that she doesn’t like, but then on the other hand, it is “my” life and if I love my husband, why should what someone else thinks matter?

Well, since nothing has worked and she continues to smoke pot I have filed unruly charges against her. We have a court date on Thursday. She does not know anything about it yet, I have no idea how she is going to react, but I have to do something before it is too late. I can’t do this on my own and my husband is not in the position right now to help me in any way with her. It is a very long story, but I don’t ever think she will ever accept him even if he does make me happy.

I could kick myself for allowing her to get this out of hand. I will try to keep updates on what happens (if anything) with the unruly charge. There is a lot of background to this story, but not enough time to get it all out before I need to stop for today. As always, if anyone has specific questions, please let me know. I want to try to prevent this from happening to other teenage girls.